The Nun
(A short story on Assamese by Anupama Borgohain ) Translated by :
Dr. Biswajit Mahanta (Kana)
(A short story on Assamese by Anupama Borgohain ) Translated by :
Dr. Biswajit Mahanta (Kana)
“As long as Buddhism is a philosophy that teaches the inherent dignity of human life, it is crucial that its practioners strive resolutely against those tendencies that promotes disrespect for human life, discrimination and the destruction of life. Unless we put a stop to evil, we cannot achieve genuine, lasting good. Likewise, unless we take a firm stand against slander and error in terms of Buddhism, we will not be able to attain Buddhahood.”
1
“ I love you a lot Maa! You held me firmly with your hands when I was falling down deep in despair . Maa, you were the one who led me to the path of peace, to the path of Buddhahood when I was drowning …. in that dark, cold ocean of grief when there was no one , absolutely no one . You are my strength Maa. How do I comfort you if you get trounced by sadness so easily.My mother, I simply do not know .”
“ I love you a lot Maa! You held me firmly with your hands when I was falling down deep in despair . Maa, you were the one who led me to the path of peace, to the path of Buddhahood when I was drowning …. in that dark, cold ocean of grief when there was no one , absolutely no one . You are my strength Maa. How do I comfort you if you get trounced by sadness so easily.My mother, I simply do not know .”
Sarthak’s voice was shaky . Prajapati realised it over phone. As if a lump is coming up his throat. Prajapati knows ,he is trying to cover up the sob underneath . She knows her pain makes him weak. Prajapati felt it .
And suddenly a sense of guilt deluged her mind. Why is she feeling so weak? So restless ? So melancholic ?
No, she does not express her sadness , her pain in front of anyone . She never does . She simply keeps her tears to herself, calmly . She treats them as a part of her inner self , ever present yet ever elusive.
And suddenly a sense of guilt deluged her mind. Why is she feeling so weak? So restless ? So melancholic ?
No, she does not express her sadness , her pain in front of anyone . She never does . She simply keeps her tears to herself, calmly . She treats them as a part of her inner self , ever present yet ever elusive.
Its her pain, its her grief, by which she rinses her mind . She sips her pain to polish her heart, to make it softer yet more resilient. She grows , she lives and flourishes through her pain . And what is grief ? What is happiness ? The two sides of the same eternal coin called life . Still at times, the pain side of this coin becomes so heavy, so unscrupulously heavy, so insensibly unbearable that she fears even to touch it.Perhaps only then a soul seeks for somebody who is stronger,calmer,composed than itself. Somebody who would sit by you,who would listen to your story.Someone who would turn the pain side of the coin down to show you the other side.
Paradox of plenty..A man can be the poorest even after being heaped by his ostentatious plenty.Can be the loneliest even after being surrounded by millions.Prajapati knows this.The greatest poverty in life is this loneliness and the fear of being unloved.Life has taught her this lesson well.
Paradox of plenty..A man can be the poorest even after being heaped by his ostentatious plenty.Can be the loneliest even after being surrounded by millions.Prajapati knows this.The greatest poverty in life is this loneliness and the fear of being unloved.Life has taught her this lesson well.
2
But she has never allowed herself to be under the grasp of loneliness.Never allowed herself to be swayed by it.She has already learnt the art to live amicably closer with loneliness,with solitude.Yet at times,she gets distracted with even at frivolous matters,loses her cool,her peace.Perhaps,her inner resolve,her constant endeavor to attain that path of Buddhahood is yet to be completed..far from being over.
Her mother was her only solace,her only weakness.Wherever she goes,she carries her mother in her soul.No body would ever understand her attachment,her oneness with her mother.All throughout her life she remains bewitched by her mother.How did her mother attain such mental strength,such calmness? Not one ,two or three - they were eight siblings,..four from her mother’s womb and other four from her soul.Prajapati is the last one of these four adopted angels.Prajapati s mother devoted her life,her breath,to bring her up, to fill her life with colours,to fill her life with all the goodness of earth.
Prajapati could recall every bit of her mother,who taught her to see people beyond their identity of blood.Her mother-her own,very own angel,her version of God.Prajapati has lived the life of her mother, carried her in her breathe.
“I will be my Maa,when I grow up” Prajapati used to say it to her friends.Everybody would laugh,”Don’t worry ,we will get you married soon”-all would scream in unison.”Marriage??” Prajapati was confused.
“To be a mother you need to marry first”-all would start to explain with smile.The little “she” never understood this.To be a Maa,you don’t need to marry,you don’t need to give birth to a baby-Prajapati would think. “To be a mother,you simply need to love somebody like your own soul”-somehow this thought took shape in her little heart.The very heart where her mother lives.
3
Her mother was her only solace,her only weakness.Wherever she goes,she carries her mother in her soul.No body would ever understand her attachment,her oneness with her mother.All throughout her life she remains bewitched by her mother.How did her mother attain such mental strength,such calmness? Not one ,two or three - they were eight siblings,..four from her mother’s womb and other four from her soul.Prajapati is the last one of these four adopted angels.Prajapati s mother devoted her life,her breath,to bring her up, to fill her life with colours,to fill her life with all the goodness of earth.
Prajapati could recall every bit of her mother,who taught her to see people beyond their identity of blood.Her mother-her own,very own angel,her version of God.Prajapati has lived the life of her mother, carried her in her breathe.
“I will be my Maa,when I grow up” Prajapati used to say it to her friends.Everybody would laugh,”Don’t worry ,we will get you married soon”-all would scream in unison.”Marriage??” Prajapati was confused.
“To be a mother you need to marry first”-all would start to explain with smile.The little “she” never understood this.To be a Maa,you don’t need to marry,you don’t need to give birth to a baby-Prajapati would think. “To be a mother,you simply need to love somebody like your own soul”-somehow this thought took shape in her little heart.The very heart where her mother lives.
3
“Happiness is a veil, for him,who is satisfied,who speaks only truth,who adheres only to truth.In this world a mere good wish should be reason enough to be happy.The greatest happiness lies in controlling,curbing the conceiting ‘Me’ inside us”-Prajapati’s mother used to tell her about Buddhas thoughts from a very early age .Her every word got etched in Prajapati’s little heart.Her mother was that angel who flies to heaven without the wings on her arms.Who was untiringly with family chores,yet who would be serene and tranquil like an engrossed Buddha.Her mother was her idol,but Prajapati always wanted to be a nun.Prajapati would often tell this to her mother ,her wish to stay away from this “Moh”,the “Maya” .Her mother would smile calmly and would take Prajapati to her arms without saying a word.
4
000000
“On hearing the news of her husband prince Siddhartha, tonsuring his head on the banks of the river Enma, who went on barefooted to become a monk,his young wife Yosodhara instantly put off all her glittering ornaments and valuable apparals.She started to wear saffron coloured cloth like a nun. She took only one meal a day, started to sleep on the floor.In this way this young princess embraced the life of a nun ,detaching herself from the surrounding luxury of that beautiful mansion.Yes,she had questions for her beloved husband..she did..But no anger,grudge or indignation” –Prajapati’s mother would go on with the story of this prince who left everything searching for answers of life’s troubling questions.Prajapati was furious.How somone could go out searching for peace by inflicting pain upon everybody related to him.How could that “ruthless” prince be a Buddha??Should anybody annihilate and crush others emotions,affection to step into the realm of Buddhahood?No ,she doesn’t need this loveless ,emotionless way to Buddhahood.Prajapati was firm.
But as time passed by,she was starting to understand Buddhas way slowly but gradually.She began to imbibe Buddha’s purpose of sacrifice. She began to realise how Buddha’s own sacrifice was only to find a path to bring peace and happiness for everybody.
She fall for Buddha again,started to follow Buddha’s philosophy, Buddha’s way.The way of serenity ,the way of peace.
“In order to ascend to the highest peak of the mountain,you need to leave every unnecessary thing that weighs you down.The same way to ascend the mountain of life,you need to throw out anger,hatred,greed,attraction and desire from your inner heart”- she reminded herself of the Buddha’s words.
“On hearing the news of her husband prince Siddhartha, tonsuring his head on the banks of the river Enma, who went on barefooted to become a monk,his young wife Yosodhara instantly put off all her glittering ornaments and valuable apparals.She started to wear saffron coloured cloth like a nun. She took only one meal a day, started to sleep on the floor.In this way this young princess embraced the life of a nun ,detaching herself from the surrounding luxury of that beautiful mansion.Yes,she had questions for her beloved husband..she did..But no anger,grudge or indignation” –Prajapati’s mother would go on with the story of this prince who left everything searching for answers of life’s troubling questions.Prajapati was furious.How somone could go out searching for peace by inflicting pain upon everybody related to him.How could that “ruthless” prince be a Buddha??Should anybody annihilate and crush others emotions,affection to step into the realm of Buddhahood?No ,she doesn’t need this loveless ,emotionless way to Buddhahood.Prajapati was firm.
But as time passed by,she was starting to understand Buddhas way slowly but gradually.She began to imbibe Buddha’s purpose of sacrifice. She began to realise how Buddha’s own sacrifice was only to find a path to bring peace and happiness for everybody.
She fall for Buddha again,started to follow Buddha’s philosophy, Buddha’s way.The way of serenity ,the way of peace.
“In order to ascend to the highest peak of the mountain,you need to leave every unnecessary thing that weighs you down.The same way to ascend the mountain of life,you need to throw out anger,hatred,greed,attraction and desire from your inner heart”- she reminded herself of the Buddha’s words.
5
But already it was too late. Her shoulder were overburdened with the unnecessary baggages of anger,indignation,unreasonable desires,attractions.Anger for her parents who left her just after birth,to all those who jeered at her for this.She carried hatred for all who tried to engulf her taking advantage of her simplicity.
Her mother made it sure that she remains free from all these burdens of life.But Prajapati could not free herself from the clutches of attachment and desire..the ubiquitous “moh”,the so called “maya”..Before she could understand life,she was already entrapped by attachment,by her desires. Amidst the love of her husband Anand,attachment with her three sons,she forgot about her endeavor to be nun.The nun that at some point of time she longed to become.
Noone forgets the call of her soul.Sooner or later,people fall back to it again and again.Prajapati was no exception either.Her urge,her ardent desire to be nun found its way to her heart again.Its not easy for a woman in a nuptial knot to be a nun.No ,its not.But the same way,its also not easy to ignore the call from the core of your self.
But already it was too late. Her shoulder were overburdened with the unnecessary baggages of anger,indignation,unreasonable desires,attractions.Anger for her parents who left her just after birth,to all those who jeered at her for this.She carried hatred for all who tried to engulf her taking advantage of her simplicity.
Her mother made it sure that she remains free from all these burdens of life.But Prajapati could not free herself from the clutches of attachment and desire..the ubiquitous “moh”,the so called “maya”..Before she could understand life,she was already entrapped by attachment,by her desires. Amidst the love of her husband Anand,attachment with her three sons,she forgot about her endeavor to be nun.The nun that at some point of time she longed to become.
Noone forgets the call of her soul.Sooner or later,people fall back to it again and again.Prajapati was no exception either.Her urge,her ardent desire to be nun found its way to her heart again.Its not easy for a woman in a nuptial knot to be a nun.No ,its not.But the same way,its also not easy to ignore the call from the core of your self.
00000
“Once a mother came to Gautam Buddha with her mischievous son.She seemed tired and at a loss.The weary lady fervently asked Buddha,joining her both hands “Tathagat,is there any way to change his behavior?”
Buddha slightly glanced on the boy’s face and said, “You don’t need to say anything to him.Your son has got only the last twenty four hours of his life to live”
On hearing this ,the mother started to cry.She was inconsolable.The boy’s face became pale and bleak.The lady left with tears in her eyes and fear in her heart.The boy remained seated all throughout with unimaginable sobriety.His parents,relatives were all on their toes,vehemently trying to stop the time with anxiety and grief flooding their mind.
All were waiting for death to come.One hour,two hour…twenty hour..twenty one.And exactly at that time,Gautam Buddha stepped in at their house.Everybody welcomed Buddha with great hope.Buddha,as usual on his calm and composed self,asked the boy, “Son,Are you angry upon somebody at this moment??”
-The boy replied, “No”
“Hatred towards anyone,any urge to take revenge against anyone?” Buddha asked calmly again
-The boy replied in the same sober tone, “I have very less time left in my life. I do not have any anger,hatred or any residual bitterness for anyone.Rather,I have felt a sense of gratitude and love for everybody.What is the use of anger or hatred in this short span of time?Does this anger,indignation hold any value right now?”
Buddha again smiled silently and said, “Son,whatever you have thought and learnt in past twenty four hours,I have been thinking and telling for past twenty four years to everybody I met.I declared your life to be only for twenty four hours so that you realise this eternal truth.No body in this “saha” world knows,how much time he has to live.So if you live with only good thoughts towards others in your mind,you will live your days with only happiness.”
From that day onwards the boy became calmer,composed,sober and honest.
“Once a mother came to Gautam Buddha with her mischievous son.She seemed tired and at a loss.The weary lady fervently asked Buddha,joining her both hands “Tathagat,is there any way to change his behavior?”
Buddha slightly glanced on the boy’s face and said, “You don’t need to say anything to him.Your son has got only the last twenty four hours of his life to live”
On hearing this ,the mother started to cry.She was inconsolable.The boy’s face became pale and bleak.The lady left with tears in her eyes and fear in her heart.The boy remained seated all throughout with unimaginable sobriety.His parents,relatives were all on their toes,vehemently trying to stop the time with anxiety and grief flooding their mind.
All were waiting for death to come.One hour,two hour…twenty hour..twenty one.And exactly at that time,Gautam Buddha stepped in at their house.Everybody welcomed Buddha with great hope.Buddha,as usual on his calm and composed self,asked the boy, “Son,Are you angry upon somebody at this moment??”
-The boy replied, “No”
“Hatred towards anyone,any urge to take revenge against anyone?” Buddha asked calmly again
-The boy replied in the same sober tone, “I have very less time left in my life. I do not have any anger,hatred or any residual bitterness for anyone.Rather,I have felt a sense of gratitude and love for everybody.What is the use of anger or hatred in this short span of time?Does this anger,indignation hold any value right now?”
Buddha again smiled silently and said, “Son,whatever you have thought and learnt in past twenty four hours,I have been thinking and telling for past twenty four years to everybody I met.I declared your life to be only for twenty four hours so that you realise this eternal truth.No body in this “saha” world knows,how much time he has to live.So if you live with only good thoughts towards others in your mind,you will live your days with only happiness.”
From that day onwards the boy became calmer,composed,sober and honest.
Oooo
Prajapati get to hear stories of Buddha again.This time from an old lady of her neighbourhood.Tales of Buddha.. “Isn’t she same like my Maa??’-Prajapati thinks.The same calmer,glowing face.
Prajapati gradually started to find herself again with the loving,embracing support of that old angel.Through her,she learned about the present day explanation of Buddha’s philosophy.Japanese priest Nichiren discovered Buddhas teachings into later part of his life in the 12th century. Peoples life style , their approach towards life changes with flowing time.Our spiritual values should also fit with this changing circumstances.Otherwise,it will be fast losing its relevance.Prajapati knew this truth.If everybody in this world rushed to be the monk leaving his family,desires-then the very existence of men will be at stake. “What’s the use of a higher thinking or refined thoughts in a world with no people to follow it??”-Prajapati’s new mother would explain. “You can be a nun after fulfilling your duties towards your family”.What’s the meaning of being a nun??To let go the greed,anger,attachment ,desire,hatred from you.To be that “Nirmohee” –who neither get elated when flattered,nor loses his peace when people throw venoms upon him, whose only accomplishment is truth, whose words and actions tally each other and for whom words from his mouth is akin to God.
Yasodhara’s thoughts came to Prajapati’s mind. Yasodhara who became nun even being ensconced in that beautiful palace leaving every luxury, denouncing every call of greed. She told Anand about all these.He was seemingly annoyed.
“What grief do you have??What are you not getting from me??Love,affection ,children,riches?You have got everything.Yet you want to be a nun?Are you going nuts?”-Anand was right .He never let her feel the dearth of anything.He never let her feel that she was an orphan-a lady with no identity of her blood.
Still Prajapati doesn’t know why she feel the draught within.An unknown sadness wet her eyes again and again.At those moments the picture of the serene Buddha comes to her mind.
Gautam did not find happiness in that palace.He never did.The prince was always lost in his ocean of thoughts.Yes,he also had that unknown sadness,that unexplained pain.Nobody could make it go away.Neither his beautiful princess nor his innocuous child.
Prajapati’s new mother Kamaladevi used to give her a book to read daily.Books on modern thoughts about Buddha’s philosophy.Prajapati imbibed every word of every book in her soul.As if it was to quench her long suffered thirst.Along with Kamaladevi,Prajapati also went out,to help those who are unhappy,to pray for those unfortunate people.Anand was not at all happy at first but gradually he also became supportive in her new journey ,in her path to search for Buddha.
But not all were same.Some of her friends were not happy with Prajapati for her intimacy with people of different race ,different ethnicity like Kamaladevi.They used to fill Anand’s mind against her.Anand was resilent.He trusted her the most.This trust is Prajapati’s life.This faith is her breathe.Her invincible summer which keeps her warm amidst this freezing winter of life.
“In his quest to attain Buddhahood,Siddhartha Gautam got himself engrossed in meditation in the hardest way possible.To attain a firm ,resilent mind,he started to give his body all the pains that his body could bear.Gap between two breathes were prolonged. He stopped eating food.But even then his endeavour went futile.Gautams deteriorating body became a skeleton due to extreme exertion.And one day moribund Gautam became senseless.When he regained senses,Gautam realized that one can’t attain Buddhahood by inflicting pain upon his body and soul.He decided to take food to recover his long lost health.Gautam started to take “Kheer” that a lady with a pure soul Sujata gave him to eat.Sujata would emanate and radiate purity. She had deep connection with that dark and deep forest where Gautam used to meditate.
But five of Gautams counterpart who were also meditating searching for wisdom could not gulp this down well.They started to criticize Gautam in every way possible.One among them was Koudinya
He outrageously said, “What a fall Gautam,you too end up being the slave of your lust !”
Other one said, “It’s obvious . Your body is glowing after taking “Kheer” made by that lady.This is what you call sacrificing for Buddhahood??This is why you left your desires,lust so that when you get bored with life,you can again get yourself submerged in them?To hell with your idea of sacrifice”
Gautam was in his usual composed self.He calmly replied, “My dear friend, body is also necessary to search for wisdom. Body is just a vehicle to take us to our destination. I am a Bodhisattva through this body in this lifetime. If my body gets destroyed, how would I attain the outcome of my meditation? How this bodhisattva be the Buddha?This is why I am taking food and it has nothing to do with lust, desires”
Gautam could neither pacify them nor he could convince them. They deserted him immediately .Gautam remained calm.He was engrossed in meditation in that same tranquil way.He continued to take food brought by Sujata with the same gratitude and respect.
Prajapati realized-the mind that is pure and honest,it will not be discouraged or disheartened by frivolous talks,hatred or vengeful criticism.A firm determination and a pure faith gaurds you from all obstacles.Prajapati too remained firm,the way once Buddha did.She went ahead with her pure faith,firm determination.
She was anyway not much into luxury or opulence. She gradually started to give up her residual penchant for materialistic goals.The more she shed the outer glittering things,the more glowing colours she found in her inner self.
Her conversations, her dialogue with the golden hearted people she met made her richer.The experience she gathered through her association with the organization is turning her sadness to joy.Still at times,she feels,she is still too way far from being the Buddha.Let alone be the nun,she is not even “Grihi Vikshu”
She knows she becomes too way weak and emotional with her children. In every minute she remains anxious for them. Should this be in a true Bodhisattva??All her sons are her followers in her path of Buddhism. Yet thought about their future terrifies her sometimes.Whenever they show lethargy in their work,when they resort to lie,when they misbehaved with someone-Prajapati felt helpless.
Sarthak is Prajapati’s son.Son she gave birth from her soul.A beautiful heart she met in her way of Buddhism.Sarthak’s affection,his respect,his warmth has made her life as a mother complete,contended.But sometimes she feels as if Sarthak’s also becomes a barrier in her tryst to become a nun.Shegets deluged in his love,his respect.Sarthak who is thousand miles away from her eyes-her son in whom she beholds Buddha.The love of her four sons doesn’t allow her to be the “Nirmohee”.As if all four are pulling her to the world of attachment and desires.
And a new found fear of death is also creeping in.For some days,she is feeling a pain in her lower abdomen.Till the other day,she was ready to welcome death with a smile.Her soul was ready to wear a new dress.But at times,she feels a strong attachment with this old dress her soul has been wearing-reason being her four sons,their love.
“She has to come out from these desires,these attachments”-she whispered to herself.Prajapati stood up from her table,switched off her phone.She sat down calmly and meditated for sometime with eyes closed,hands folded to join each other.
A feel of tranquility settles in.She took out a small diary.She writes all the things which she can’t express by mouth.She talks with herself in these pages.Prajapati finds her own self in her son Sarthak.Her own inner being that exists in her sons body.She writes everything addressing to Sarthak.Nayan,Nibir,Palash are too young to understand her.Anand is still mentally miles away to imbibe her feelings.
Prajapati started to write, “Sarthak my son,Buddha said, “When you get confronted with truth,welcome it and accept it.This is the rule of truth.Neither you can defeat nor you can win it over. You can only welcome and accept the truth”. My heart, you also make yourself stronger to accept truth with courage.Always be your own rescuer.Nobody can save you,except you.My son,my heart,my blessings are always with you-Your mother” .
Prajapati get to hear stories of Buddha again.This time from an old lady of her neighbourhood.Tales of Buddha.. “Isn’t she same like my Maa??’-Prajapati thinks.The same calmer,glowing face.
Prajapati gradually started to find herself again with the loving,embracing support of that old angel.Through her,she learned about the present day explanation of Buddha’s philosophy.Japanese priest Nichiren discovered Buddhas teachings into later part of his life in the 12th century. Peoples life style , their approach towards life changes with flowing time.Our spiritual values should also fit with this changing circumstances.Otherwise,it will be fast losing its relevance.Prajapati knew this truth.If everybody in this world rushed to be the monk leaving his family,desires-then the very existence of men will be at stake. “What’s the use of a higher thinking or refined thoughts in a world with no people to follow it??”-Prajapati’s new mother would explain. “You can be a nun after fulfilling your duties towards your family”.What’s the meaning of being a nun??To let go the greed,anger,attachment ,desire,hatred from you.To be that “Nirmohee” –who neither get elated when flattered,nor loses his peace when people throw venoms upon him, whose only accomplishment is truth, whose words and actions tally each other and for whom words from his mouth is akin to God.
Yasodhara’s thoughts came to Prajapati’s mind. Yasodhara who became nun even being ensconced in that beautiful palace leaving every luxury, denouncing every call of greed. She told Anand about all these.He was seemingly annoyed.
“What grief do you have??What are you not getting from me??Love,affection ,children,riches?You have got everything.Yet you want to be a nun?Are you going nuts?”-Anand was right .He never let her feel the dearth of anything.He never let her feel that she was an orphan-a lady with no identity of her blood.
Still Prajapati doesn’t know why she feel the draught within.An unknown sadness wet her eyes again and again.At those moments the picture of the serene Buddha comes to her mind.
Gautam did not find happiness in that palace.He never did.The prince was always lost in his ocean of thoughts.Yes,he also had that unknown sadness,that unexplained pain.Nobody could make it go away.Neither his beautiful princess nor his innocuous child.
Prajapati’s new mother Kamaladevi used to give her a book to read daily.Books on modern thoughts about Buddha’s philosophy.Prajapati imbibed every word of every book in her soul.As if it was to quench her long suffered thirst.Along with Kamaladevi,Prajapati also went out,to help those who are unhappy,to pray for those unfortunate people.Anand was not at all happy at first but gradually he also became supportive in her new journey ,in her path to search for Buddha.
But not all were same.Some of her friends were not happy with Prajapati for her intimacy with people of different race ,different ethnicity like Kamaladevi.They used to fill Anand’s mind against her.Anand was resilent.He trusted her the most.This trust is Prajapati’s life.This faith is her breathe.Her invincible summer which keeps her warm amidst this freezing winter of life.
“In his quest to attain Buddhahood,Siddhartha Gautam got himself engrossed in meditation in the hardest way possible.To attain a firm ,resilent mind,he started to give his body all the pains that his body could bear.Gap between two breathes were prolonged. He stopped eating food.But even then his endeavour went futile.Gautams deteriorating body became a skeleton due to extreme exertion.And one day moribund Gautam became senseless.When he regained senses,Gautam realized that one can’t attain Buddhahood by inflicting pain upon his body and soul.He decided to take food to recover his long lost health.Gautam started to take “Kheer” that a lady with a pure soul Sujata gave him to eat.Sujata would emanate and radiate purity. She had deep connection with that dark and deep forest where Gautam used to meditate.
But five of Gautams counterpart who were also meditating searching for wisdom could not gulp this down well.They started to criticize Gautam in every way possible.One among them was Koudinya
He outrageously said, “What a fall Gautam,you too end up being the slave of your lust !”
Other one said, “It’s obvious . Your body is glowing after taking “Kheer” made by that lady.This is what you call sacrificing for Buddhahood??This is why you left your desires,lust so that when you get bored with life,you can again get yourself submerged in them?To hell with your idea of sacrifice”
Gautam was in his usual composed self.He calmly replied, “My dear friend, body is also necessary to search for wisdom. Body is just a vehicle to take us to our destination. I am a Bodhisattva through this body in this lifetime. If my body gets destroyed, how would I attain the outcome of my meditation? How this bodhisattva be the Buddha?This is why I am taking food and it has nothing to do with lust, desires”
Gautam could neither pacify them nor he could convince them. They deserted him immediately .Gautam remained calm.He was engrossed in meditation in that same tranquil way.He continued to take food brought by Sujata with the same gratitude and respect.
Prajapati realized-the mind that is pure and honest,it will not be discouraged or disheartened by frivolous talks,hatred or vengeful criticism.A firm determination and a pure faith gaurds you from all obstacles.Prajapati too remained firm,the way once Buddha did.She went ahead with her pure faith,firm determination.
She was anyway not much into luxury or opulence. She gradually started to give up her residual penchant for materialistic goals.The more she shed the outer glittering things,the more glowing colours she found in her inner self.
Her conversations, her dialogue with the golden hearted people she met made her richer.The experience she gathered through her association with the organization is turning her sadness to joy.Still at times,she feels,she is still too way far from being the Buddha.Let alone be the nun,she is not even “Grihi Vikshu”
She knows she becomes too way weak and emotional with her children. In every minute she remains anxious for them. Should this be in a true Bodhisattva??All her sons are her followers in her path of Buddhism. Yet thought about their future terrifies her sometimes.Whenever they show lethargy in their work,when they resort to lie,when they misbehaved with someone-Prajapati felt helpless.
Sarthak is Prajapati’s son.Son she gave birth from her soul.A beautiful heart she met in her way of Buddhism.Sarthak’s affection,his respect,his warmth has made her life as a mother complete,contended.But sometimes she feels as if Sarthak’s also becomes a barrier in her tryst to become a nun.Shegets deluged in his love,his respect.Sarthak who is thousand miles away from her eyes-her son in whom she beholds Buddha.The love of her four sons doesn’t allow her to be the “Nirmohee”.As if all four are pulling her to the world of attachment and desires.
And a new found fear of death is also creeping in.For some days,she is feeling a pain in her lower abdomen.Till the other day,she was ready to welcome death with a smile.Her soul was ready to wear a new dress.But at times,she feels a strong attachment with this old dress her soul has been wearing-reason being her four sons,their love.
“She has to come out from these desires,these attachments”-she whispered to herself.Prajapati stood up from her table,switched off her phone.She sat down calmly and meditated for sometime with eyes closed,hands folded to join each other.
A feel of tranquility settles in.She took out a small diary.She writes all the things which she can’t express by mouth.She talks with herself in these pages.Prajapati finds her own self in her son Sarthak.Her own inner being that exists in her sons body.She writes everything addressing to Sarthak.Nayan,Nibir,Palash are too young to understand her.Anand is still mentally miles away to imbibe her feelings.
Prajapati started to write, “Sarthak my son,Buddha said, “When you get confronted with truth,welcome it and accept it.This is the rule of truth.Neither you can defeat nor you can win it over. You can only welcome and accept the truth”. My heart, you also make yourself stronger to accept truth with courage.Always be your own rescuer.Nobody can save you,except you.My son,my heart,my blessings are always with you-Your mother” .
The end
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